You Can Never Be a Perfect Man

Throughout this series, A Much-Needed Conversation About Masculinity, I’ve been exploring some fundamental questions: “What does it mean to be a man today?” and “How does a man use his masculinity properly?“ and “What does it mean to be a godly man?”

I followed the opening post by looking at masculinity itself in A Proper Vision for Masculinity and Manhood, arguing that masculine traits aren’t inherently bad. The goal -and challenge- is to learn how to develop and direct these traits in healthy and constructive ways.

I then explored the differences between masculinity, manliness, and manhood in From Masculinity to Manhood: Now What?, explaining what it means to move from immature boyhood toward mature manhood.

I followed that with What Does It Mean To Be A (Godly) Man?, to describe the difference between being a good man and a godly man. Then in Godly Men Learn to Follow Jesus and The Model for Manhood: Jesus, I identified Jesus Christ as the ultimate model for Christian manhood.

But that raises an obvious question. Why choose Jesus as your role model?

We Are All Broken

Let me start by being really clear since some people believe otherwise: males are NOT born damaged, and masculinity is NOT the problem.

The problem is that all humans are flawed and we are born sinful.

This Christian understanding of humanity’s brokenness goes all the way back to Genesis 3, when Adam and Eve disobeyed God. Since then, generation after generation has inherited a sinful nature that falls short of God’s perfect standard. As a result, we all struggle to meet God’s standards.

The Bible doesn’t sugarcoat this condition: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

Yes, every single one of us is sinful. The churchgoer and those who no longer believe. Those who never knew God, and those who once believed.

Male Sinfulness

For men, our sinfulness leads to the misuse of our masculine traits. Just like sinfulness leads to a misuse of feminine traits in females. All genders are flawed because we are human.

This inherent sin for males causes us to misuse our masculine traits. We take unnecessary risks, make foolish mistakes, and act selfishly. Many of us fail to keep our commitments. We lose our tempers. We put ourselves ahead of the people we love. Many use our strength, ambition, sexuality, competitiveness, and leadership.

And most of the time, we know better but do it anyway.

The apostle Paul put it best:

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” (Romans 7:15-20)

So are we doomed from the start?

The unequivocal answer is “No.”

The Goal Isn’t Perfection

Knowing this, we must first grasp the reality that we can never be perfect. Some of us are perfectionists; we strive to do everything to the best of our ability…and then some. Pick one: Give everything 110%. Never give up. I can always do better. Good enough isn’t good enough. If it’s not perfect, it’s a failure.

Gloria Steinem once said: “Perfectionism is internalized oppression.”

That said, knowing we can never be perfect doesn’t mean we should not grow. But we must learn to grow in maturity.

Male maturity doesn’t mean being a macho man or a “know-it-all.” It doesn’t mean becoming a man who never struggles, never fails, never gets angry, never feels afraid, or never makes a mistake. And it certainly doesn’t mean pretending to have it all together.

But we are called to grow in character, maturity, and responsibility.

That’s a very different goal.

Stop Pretending to “Be a Man“

Maturity means more than continually trying to become a perfect man.  It means eliminating your immature behaviors. It means accepting your responsibility. Maturity for men means having the right priorities.

A mature man also recognizes his weaknesses rather than hiding them. He admits his failure and takes responsibility when he gets something wrong. He seeks forgiveness rather than making excuses. A mature man accepts correction and learns from his setbacks. He gets back up when he falls. And he keeps moving forward toward becoming the man he is called to be. 

Paul’s words to the church in Corinth provide a useful picture of maturity:

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)

Maturity also means moving from dependence toward appropriate independence. From taking toward contributing. From passivity toward responsibility. By growing from self-centeredness toward service. From avoiding difficult things toward having the courage to face them. Maturity comes through continual growth.

Growing in Christlikeness

Like the process of male maturity described above, becoming a godly man is also about growing. It means you first stop trying to convince yourself that you can become perfect.

It also means you move from simply being good men toward becoming increasingly godly men. It means making your goal Christ-likeness by patterning your life after Jesus.

So the question isn’t: “Can I become a perfect man?”

The better question to ponder is: “Am I becoming more like the man Jesus calls me to be?”

That is a question worth exploring in my next post.

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