A Much-Needed Conversation About Masculinity

After recent posts explaining that the need for better male friendships is universal and another announcing my new book and non-religious website geared toward a wider audience, it’s time to shift gears. It’s time to ask a fundamental question: What does it actually mean to be a man who uses his masculinity the way it was intended?

Ultimately, I hope to provide some answers in a short series over the next few weeks I’m calling “A Much-Needed Conversation About Masculinity.”

What This Series is NOT

This conversation is really important. To be clear, this is not an argument about whether men are the problem. Likewise, it’s not another discussion on whether feminism has gone too far. 

It is also not another attempt to convince you that we must continue to teach everything associated with traditional masculinity. I am not going to debate whether all masculinity is inherently toxic.

Of course, we shouldn’t romanticize the history of patriarchy. Nor should we gloss over the sinful behaviors that made the term ‘toxic masculinity’ necessary. Similarly, let’s not pretend that every traditional expectation placed on boys and young males is healthy.

Nevertheless, traditional masculinity itself is wrong, but disordered masculinity is the problem.

So there is much more to understand on this topic.

What This Series IS

For Christians, we have an important starting point that gets lost in the cultural debate: we become mature, responsible, and godly men by learning to follow Jesus Christ, the ultimate role model of manhood. 

At the same time, we must find a healthier way of being a man by demonstrating and teaching the positive application of our masculine traits.

This means reaching males of all backgrounds. We need to engage regular churchgoers, the de-churched, and the unchurched. We need to reach those who have never been inside a place of worship and those who are “just spiritual.” It’s a conversation for those with no belief system at all: the agnostics, atheists, and individuals across the political spectrum.

Ultimately, this topic belongs to everyone.

Why a Series on Masculinity? 

As I stated in prior posts, the need for better friendships is only part of the conversation. To understand why so many boys and men are struggling with isolation, identity, purpose, and connection, we also need to talk about masculinity itself. 

Sadly, there is a version of masculinity portrayed in the media, politics, and the online “manosphere” reaching too many young males today. This includes recently-arrested Andrew and Tristan Tait; the red-pill advocate, Rollo Tomassi; alt-right blogger Roosh V; and antisemitic, white nationalist, authoritarian, and extreme misogynist, Nick Fuentes. It also includes Jeffrey Epstein, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, R. Kelly, Sean “Diddy” Combs, and Larry Nassar. These public figures have viewpoints on masculinity that promote resentment, misogyny, sexual abuse, and an unhealthy view of masculinity.

Many experts with different ideological, academic, and professional perspectives are very concerned about men these days. They are asking difficult questions and raising concerns about boys and young males who are failing in education, in the workforce, and in their families. The list includes Richard Reeves, Niobe Way, Michael Reichert, Jonathan Haidt, Brad Wilcox, Warren Farrell, Michael Kimmel, Nancy Pearcey, and bell hooks (who chose to keep her name in all lowercase letters to focus on the substance and quality of her books and ideas, rather than her personal identity).

Each presents research that shows:

• Boys are struggling.
• Men are increasingly isolated.
• Male friendships are weakening.
• Educational and economic outcomes are deteriorating.
• Marriage and fatherhood patterns are changing.
• Technology is reshaping male relationships.
• Many young men don’t have a compelling roadmap for adulthood.

The Bigger Question and Better Answer

Considering those positions and issues, I believe there is more interesting questions:

What if the goal isn’t to destroy masculinity or restore some idealized version of the past?

What if we could help build better men who embody the best qualities of masculinity as demonstrated by Jesus?

Stay with me as I explore this topic of masculinity and how men can become more like Jesus.

Feel free to comment below. Let’s extend this much-needed conversation about masculinity by sharing this post with others on our social channels.

[Feature Image created with ChatGPT]