A Proper Vision for Masculinity and Manhood

I started this short series “A Much-Needed Conversation About Masculinity” with an important question: What does it actually mean to be a man who uses his masculinity the way it was intended? In this next post, I will explain the difference between masculinity, manliness, and manhood and suggest a proper vision for becoming a man. Subsequent posts will detail a new type of masculinity and manhood that points directly to Jesus as the model. 

But let’s return to an important question from the first post of the series: Is masculinity the problem?

Disordered Masculinity is the Problem

In that post, I explained that this series is not intended to argue against whether men are the problem. I will not debate whether feminism has gone too far, as some believe. This series will not make the case to teach traditional masculinity, or gloss over the sinful behaviors that led to the terms #MeToo and “toxic” masculinity. Nor should we pretend that every traditional expectation placed on boys and young males is healthy. 

Nonetheless, what we have is a “disordered” form of masculinity, a term meaning the misuse of our inherent masculine traits. 

Sadly, the misuse of power, sex, male emotions (some of which include anger, pride, lust, shame) are sinful, immature and disorderd behaviors that exist everywhere. Yes, even inside the church. 

To help offset these “toxic” behaviors, we must find ways to teach males of all backgrounds about becoming better men. This includes regular churchgoers and the de-churched. It includes those who have never been inside a place of worship, and those who consider themselves just “spiritual.” Yes, it includes even those who are agnostic, atheist, and individuals across the political spectrum. 

Ultimately, the impact of disordered masculinity belongs to everyone.

Masculinity, Manliness, and Manhood Defined

Unfortunately, modern culture often treats anything related to masculinity as something dangerous that needs to be suppressed, softened, apologized for, and even eliminated. 

To challenge that narrative, we need to draw a critical distinction between proper, mature, and responsible manhood and improper, immature, and irresponsible “boyish” behaviors exhibited by some males, even in adulthood.

So let’s start with some definitions:

• Masculinity is the raw, God-given force within males. It’s the broad set of behaviors, roles, and physical traits that drive males to compete, build, protect, lead, and conquer. Includes common descriptors like strength, assertiveness, or independence that act as a descriptive baseline or social and biological mix. Masculinity can be neutral or vary a lot between different cultures and time periods. Most importantly, it is neither good nor bad on its own. 
• Manliness is what happens when that masculine force is refined, disciplined, governed by principle, and directed toward a righteous purpose. It’s the active use and application of those masculine traits. These traits focus on positive character, honor, and duty rather than just style or physical power. It is seen as a choice or a skill that is practiced and earned through good actions. It also focuses on positive character, honor, and duty rather than just style or physical power.
• Manhood is the state of being an adult man instead of a child or adolescent. It represents a rite of passage into full social responsibility, accountability, and maturity. Mature manhood involves duties like providing for, protecting, and serving family and community. 

While often used interchangeably, let’s put these together to help define the goal for all males: to successfully advance through childhood and adolescence into the path of becoming a mature, responsible man.

The Goal is Proper Manhood

This journey to manhood begins when those born male begin to discover their inherent masculine traits. Their manliness comes out when they actively use those masculine traits. Males enter the life stage called manhood when they exhibit self-mastery, control, and social awareness. It becomes mature manhood when they recognize that they have been refined, disciplined, governed by principle, and directed toward a mission of higher purpose. 

With that in mind, I believe all humans are born with the knowledge of good and evil. Regardless of whether you believe in God, some higher power, or have no beliefs at all, it is inherent in all of us.

When they recognize it, they complete this journey to manhood well. However, some remain stuck in one phase or another because proper manhood was never modeled for them. Others encounter bad influences along the way. Sadly, many never begin because they weren’t given or shown a vision for manhood.

The Model for Proper Manhood

In the initial post of the series, I also suggested that Christians have an important starting point in Jesus Christ. I believe He is the the ultimate role model for manhood, which I will explore in the upcoming posts. 

[Featured Image created by ChatGPT]