What Does It Mean To Be A (Godly) Man?

In the last post for this series, A Much-Needed Conversation About Masculinity, I suggested that becoming a man isn’t simply about displaying masculine characteristics or checking off the traditional milestones of adulthood. It is about developing character and male maturity. This next post asks: What does a man actually look like when becoming more like Jesus?

Characteristics of a Man

Any man can be successful without being good. He can be strong without being courageous. Confident without being secure. Be a leader without being worthy of following. Provide materially while being emotionally absent. Command respect without showing respect. Be admired by others while privately struggling with his character.

And yes, being deeply religious without becoming more like Jesus.

That last one is especially important for those of us who call ourselves Christians.

Because if we’re going to talk about godly manhood, simply adding God or Christianity to our definition of masculinity isn’t enough.

From Being Male to Becoming a Man

Being born male is biological. Becoming a man is developmental. And becoming a man is transformational for all males

The journey begins in childhood and continues throughout our lives. It involves gradually moving from dependence to responsibility, from self-centeredness to contribution, and from simply asking “What do I want?” to asking “What am I responsible for?”

The Apostle Paul captured part of this transition when he wrote: “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)

Paul wasn’t suggesting that adulthood means losing our ability to play, laugh, dream, or enjoy life. He was talking about maturity.

Growing up means learning to take increasing responsibility for who we are, what we do, and how our choices affect the people around us.

It means becoming an asset rather than a liability. By moving from being passive to proactive. From taking to contributing. From avoiding responsibility to accepting it. Change from asking, “Who’s going to take care of me?” to increasingly asking, “Who can I take care of?” And for those who choose marriage and children, it means accepting responsibility not only for ourselves but for the people entrusted to us.

But even that isn’t the complete picture.

A man can be responsible, successful, hardworking, and respected—and still not be the man God calls him to be.

So What Makes a Man Godly?

This is where the distinction between a good man and a godly man becomes important.

A good man seeks to use his masculine qualities for something beyond himself.

A godly man goes one step further.

He seeks to use those qualities in alignment with God and for the good of others.

That means the question isn’t simply whether a man is strong. It is what he does with his strength. Is it used to dominate—or protect? Is his leadership about control—or service?

It’s about what he does with his independence. Does it make him self-sufficient—or responsible? Does he become a loner with no friends, or does he use solitude and silence to recharge and renew himself?

What about his confidence? Does it elevate him—or give others confidence? Is he haughty and demeaning, or does he build others up?

Does his competitiveness make him obsessed with winning—or committed to excellence?

Does he demonstrate emotional strength or does he hide or cover up weaknesses? Has he learned how to face difficult emotions without being controlled by them?

And perhaps most importantly: What is his life ultimately for? What are his goals and purpose?

Our Goal: To Become More Like Jesus

For Christians, the answer begins with Jesus Christ.

Jesus gives us a model of strength without domination, leadership without control, courage without bravado, sacrifice without self-promotion, and service without weakness. He was strong enough to confront injustice, humble enough to serve others, courageous enough to suffer, compassionate enough to care for the vulnerable, and secure enough to love deeply.

This is the vision of manhood I want to explore further. Not to try to be a perfect man. Not a macho man. Or a man who never struggles. But a man who is growing in character, maturity, responsibility, and Christlikeness.

[Featured Image created by ChatGPT]