From Masculinity to Manhood: Now What?

In the first two posts of this series, we established an important foundation: how can males learn to use our inherent masculine traits for the common good?

This topic of better use of our masculinity isn’t just for Christians and regular churchgoers. It’s one for the de-churched and the unchurched. For people who are spiritual, agnostic, or atheist. It goes across the political spectrum. It’s a message for everyone: male, female, young and old, because the need for a better vision for masculinity and manhood is for all of us.

So the next question is: how to develop a healthier version of masculinity for this generation and future generations?

Where We Are So Far

There is a lot to unpack about masculinity and manhood. That’s why I decided this topic deserves a short series—not to tell men what they must be, but to explore a healthier way to become a man and to put our masculine traits to positive use.

In A Much-Needed Conversation About Masculinity, I suggested that the problem isn’t masculinity itself. The problem is what happens when masculine traits are misused, distorted, suppressed, or left undeveloped. I also suggested that for Christians, we already have the starting point: following Jesus Christ, the ultimate model of godly manhood.

Then, in A Proper Vision for Masculinity and Manhood, I made an important distinction between masculinity, manliness, and manhood.

• Masculinity is the collection of traits and tendencies generally associated with males—the drive to compete, build, protect, lead, explore, and accomplish.
• Manliness is how those traits are developed, disciplined, and expressed.
• Manhood is the journey toward becoming a mature adult man who accepts responsibility, accountability, and the obligations that come with adulthood.

These distinctions matter because too many boys and men never learn how to properly develop and direct their masculine traits.

The goal isn’t to eliminate those traits. The goal is to learn how to use them well.

Masculinity and Manhood Are Not Bad

Some people and organizations have raised legitimate concerns about the unhealthy expressions of traditional masculinity. For example, the American Psychological Association’s Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men identifies traditional masculine norms such as stoicism, competitiveness, dominance, and aggression as potentially harmful.

There is certainly truth worth examining there.

• Uncontrolled aggression can hurt people.
• Dominance can become abuse.
• Stoicism can become emotional isolation.
• Competition can become an obsession with winning.

But that doesn’t mean the underlying masculine qualities are inherently bad.

Masculinity and Manhood Can Be Good

Strength isn’t bad. Competition isn’t bad. Courage isn’t bad. Leadership isn’t bad. Independence isn’t bad.

The question is what we do with them.

Strength can protect or intimidate. Competition can inspire excellence or create resentment. Leadership can serve or control. Independence can produce responsibility or isolation.

The answer isn’t to suppress masculinity, apologize for it, or blindly celebrate every expression of it.

We need to learn how to direct it.

So Now What?

That brings us to some much more important questions: How do we set better examples of manhood? and how do we teach boys what it means to become a man?

Then, perhaps the most important one: What kind of man should he become?

That question is needed for the conversation with all boys and men today.

Boys and Men Hear Competing Narratives

Unfortunately, too many boys and young males are receiving competing answers.

Some tell them to toughen up, stop complaining, work harder, and become more dominant.

Others suggest that many traditional expectations placed on men are themselves the problem and should be rejected.

Still others are finding answers in the growing online manosphere, where strength, independence, wealth, sexual success, and status can become measures of whether a man has succeeded.

And within Christianity, there are competing definitions of biblical manhood as well. Some emphasize leadership and provision. Others emphasize submission and service. Still others focus heavily on traditional gender roles.

With all these competing voices, it’s easy for everyone to become confused about what it means to be a man.

We are probably asking the wrong question.

Maybe There’s a Better Question

Instead of asking: “What does society say a man should be?”, maybe we should ask: “What does a good man look like?”

And then, let’s take that one step further: “What does a godly man look like?”

Those aren’t necessarily the same thing.

That’s where we’re headed in my next post.

[Featured Image created by ChatGPT]