My opening post for this year, Time for a Change described some changes to my posts this year to expand the discussion about a man’s need for better friendships. But I also want to help change the definition and optics of what it means to be a “real” man. Regardless of your opinions or beliefs, most people agree we need more good men in this world today. As you know from reading this blog, I believe men are best when they have deeper, more authentic friendships. Better men understand proper manhood and know how to use our masculine traits for good. I also believe better men understand the secrets to becoming a real (godly) man.

At this point, you’re probably wondering, “Why do we need better men?” and “What does it mean to become a more godly man?”

The answers to these questions will come throughout this next series titled, “The Secrets to Becoming a Real (godly) Man.” It will include some practices, disciplines, and pursuits that will provide a better understanding of manhood and masculinity. I will also include ways to help younger men (and men who still act like boys) grow into better men. Hopefully, It also helps you develop some GodBuddy friendships.

But I need your help. I do not claim to have all the answers, nor have I done my own manhood, marriage, fatherhood, friendship, and career without some failures and regrets. With your input, I hope we will create a roadmap to better men. So please add your comments below and extend the discussion by sharing these posts. I also ask you to get together and discuss them with another guy (or a small group of guys; no more than 3 or 4) to help your friendship grow.

OK, let’s get started!

Why We Need Better Men

Sadly, many people feel there is a “man problem” today. While I agree too many problems in the world are caused by males, I don’t believe there’s a problem with all men. The problem is those who continue to act like boys, even after they become adults.

Despite the prevailing social theory about sex and gender, the behavior of these guys is hurting both women and men. Dr. Michael Gurian writes that males are doing worse than females in many areas such as overall physical, cognitive, educational, neurological, emotional, psychological, health, and employment markers. As men fall behind, all of society fails.

The problem is that males are falling behind in their knowledge of how to be a good and proper man. We need men with better friendships who teach males to be good men. Responsible men. Honorable men. Accountable men. I’d suggest godly men.

We Also Need Godly Men

I wrote previously that The Highest Type of Friendship is Spiritual. This type of friendship transforms good men into what I call GodBudddies, men who share a desire to become more like Jesus Christ. Regardless of whether you believe Jesus was just a good man, a prophet, or a Savior, He demonstrated all the characteristics needed as our ultimate role model for manhood.

As followers of Jesus, we believe the Son of God was fully God and fully man during His time here on earth. He fought for the oppressed, stood up against wrongs, and turned over tables when needed. He cared for and healed the sick, comforted the hungry, taught the children, and befriended sinners. He was sinless and fought off the temptations of the devil. He knew how to use his masculinity and showed us the importance of Balancing Our Masculine and Feminine Sides. The only Perfect Man to ever live, Jesus Christ, left us with His Spirit to guide our way.

Becoming Godly Men

Helping men become better men, more godly men is the essence of this blog. I wrote in Being Good at Being a Godly Man that “there is a difference between being a good man and being good at being a man” which included a link to “Raise Your Son to Be a Good Man, Not a ‘Real’ Man.” The article by Michael Kimmel, a SUNY Distinguished Professor of Sociology at Stony Brook University and author of the book Healing From Hate: How Young Men Get Into—and Out of—Violent Extremism, provides some important insights into today’s cultural influences on manhood.

Scripture also gives us some good guidance on becoming a man:

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

–1 Corinthians 13:11 (New International Version)

We can not allow the world to define what it means to be a “real” man. We need more good men who teach boys and young men how to leave their boyish behaviors behind in order to become better men. I believe this can start by having a better road map for manhood and how to use our God-given masculinity for good.

Outline of the Roadmap

As I’ve been thinking and praying about this series, several ideas come to mind but I also need your input on the topics to address. To get the ball rolling, here are some starter topics to consider:

  • Knowing Your Identity: Who you are and Whose you are.
  • Finding Your Passion and Purpose
  • Determining Your Worldview
  • Understanding Manhood and Proper Masculinity
  • Managing Life: Priorities, Keeping Promises, Decision Making, Growing, and Learning.
  • Managing Your Emotions 
  • Protecting Your Heart: Physical Fitness; Temptation and Sin
  • Maintaining Strong Relationships with Family, Friends, Neighbors, and Coworkers.
  • Your Work: Providing for yourself and your family
  • Being Consistent and Disciplined
  • Finding Contentment and Balance
  • Stewardship (your Time, Talents, and Resources) and Serving Others
  • Building Your Legacy (Having an Eternal Mindset)

My hope is to expand upon each of these topics and add others in subsequent posts to make this series on the secrets to becoming a real (godly) man valuable to you, your sons, and other men

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GodBuddy Focus

One thing to remember is that no one (aside from Jesus) is perfect. So whether you are trying to be a good man or a godly man, keep doing your best. Life is not easy. Being a man is not easy since we all make bad decisions. We’re all flawed and sinful, which is why we need Jesus as our Savior. So try not to be too hard on yourself or try to change everything at once. Our goal is not to be perfect men, but to become better men who help each other become godly men.

For discussion:

  • Which topics above resonate most with you? 
  • Are there any topics missing?
  • Any topics to delete? 

There you have it… a starting point for the secrets to becoming a more godly man. Remember to add your comments and topics below. You can also email me or call me with your ideas. Feel free to forward this post to someone else who can use it. Remember to also check in with a GodBuddy to discuss it.

[Featured Photo by Tim Bogdanov on Unsplash]


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