Covenantal Friendships Like Jonathan and David

This past weekend, I had the honor of speaking at a local church about the biblical friendship between Jonathan and David. Their story, detailed throughout the Old Testament book of 1 Samuel, has been misunderstood and misused over the years. But properly studied and interpreted, their covenantal friendship shows how loyalty and emotional intimacy leads to deeper, more authentic friendships that we need more of today. 

The story is a complex one. The relationship between Jonathan, the heir apparent to the throne of Israel as the oldest son of King Saul, and David, the anointed future king and slayer of Goliath unfolds throughout the 31 chapters of 1 Samuel (I give a brief summary as part of my message you can watch at this link). This covenantal friendship also includes six important traits I describe below.

First, let’s explore the difference between a covenant and an agreement.

Covenant vs Agreement

Although there are similarities between a covenant and an agreement, there are several important differences. In the broadest sense, both are commitments. Think of it like the differences between a marriage covenant and a business agreement or contract. A covenant says “I promise,” whereas an agreement says, “You agree.” Covenants say “I will,” but an agreement says, “If you.” A covenant is forever and the agreement is limited by time and easily terminated. In other words, a covenant is acceptance-based and a contract is performance-based. More importantly, a covenant is relational and a contract is transactional. 

From a biblical standpoint, an Old Testament covenant is a commitment between God and His people. God makes promises that usually requires a certain conduct from them such as the covenant to Noah (Never to again flood the earth: Genesis 9), Abraham (Blessing him for generations: Genesis 15), Moses (He will lead a Holy Nation: Exodus 19:5-6), and David (He will become royalty: 2 Chronicles 7:18). While these covenants had commandments, the New Testament has only one requirement, just believe in God’s Son. With Jesus’ birth, death, and resurrection, God replaces these covenants with a new one that only requires acceptance of it.

A Different Type of Friendship

Jonathan and David’s friendship was different than most. It was formed out of a love for God’s kingdom first, which knit their souls together. It created a bond that provided protection and a future through some very difficult times.  They had a spiritual friendship.

I wrote previously about Jonathan and David for my series titled GodBuddies in the Bible. In that post, I suggest that it is important that men overcome our fears of having deeper friendships with other men. Sadly, our culture has misunderstood and misused Jonathan and David’s friendship. So it’s important to know that their relationship was not formed out of loneliness or to avoid isolation, which many guys need today. Nor was it to increase social media followers or due to sexual desires. It was based on a covenant to follow God’s will.

Sometimes you meet someone that you just knew was going to be a good friend. It’s rare to have an immediate connection. Many friendships begin when two people have something in common –like a favorite baseball team, a hobby or common interest, or kids in the same grade. After spending some time together through that commonality, good friends find a connection and agree that they have chemistry together. David and Jonathan had that immediate connection. They had chemistry that led to their covenant.

Six Traits of a Covenantal Friendship

Jonathan and David’s covenantal friendship provides six characteristics that can help create our deepest, most authentic friendships.  

1. There was a commitment to God first; not to each other. Before they loved each other as friends, they loved God first.  Your deepest, most valuable and reliable friendships will come with those who love God before anything else. 
2. They sacrificed for one another. 1 Samuel 18:4 tells us that Jonathan gave David his clothes and all of his military garb. Rather than being envious or jealous, Jonathan submitted to God’s will and sacrificed his right to the throne. Today, we need to move from making acquaintances and connections based on “what you can do for me” to having a smaller group of friends who help each other become the best version of themselves. 
3. They let nothing come between them and remained loyal to each other. Jonathan came to the defense of David when King Saul wanted to kill him. He rebuked his own father and recalled his friend’s faithfulness to the kingdom after killing Goliath. Jonathan and David made a covenant to take care of each other regardless of their future circumstances.  Sadly, many people you thought were your best friends, may desert you when you suffer a personal setback, retire, or become too busy to spend as much time together. 
4. They drew closer together when their friendship was tested.  This is the test of true friendship; the greater the pressure, the closer you will become.  When one of you is under attack, your best friends will come closer to you. Jonathan and David drew closer once they knew of Saul’s plans to kill David. David could not attack King Saul out of this loyaly, even when given the chance twice. 
5. They were free to express their emotions with one another. Our culture today has tried to convince us that two men can not be close friends nor that they should show their emotions to each other. But Jonathan and David’s friendship was a different kind of love that views each other like “brothers”. David bowed down before Jonathan three times, and they kissed each other and cried together. This interchange showed their brotherly love based on their covenant to God. Today, more men need a band of “brothers”. They need “2 am friends.” These are friends who are vulnerable with each other; share their struggles, and hold each other accountable to live to higher standards that what today’s toxic masculinity projects, They need an emotional intimacy which is rare among male friends. 
6. They remained friends to the end. Through numerous battles against the Philistines, Jonathan and David looked out for each other. They made plans to work together in David’s kingdom. Their covenant ensured David would look after Jonathan’s son for the rest of his life.  

A GodBuddy Covenant

GodBuddies also make a commitment to help each other become more godly men. They develop a greater level of emotional depth and intimacy. They have a covenant of brotherly love based on loyalty, sacrifice, compromise, emotional attachment, and appropriate expressions of love. These friends become a circle of support and encouragement to help you through life’s daily struggles. Its a friendship committed to help each other become more like Jesus; the One Who loves everyone unconditionally, regardless of their beliefs, gender, race, privilege, or position of royalty. 

Wisdom for Men is based on my opinions on topics that help men become better men. The sources used for these posts are not fact-checked, but support my theory that men are better with deeper, more authentic friendships. My GodBuddy theory is based on biblical principles but applies to all men, regardless of their beliefs. Better friendships among men will help solve the crisis of male friendships and many of today’s problems… because the world needs better men!

[Featured Photo from Knox Presbyterian Church YouTube Channel]