How to Develop Better Friendships

After several posts about the traits of male friendship, I will now describe some very practical ways that men can develop and maintain better friends. Today, many experts believe we’re in an epidemic of lost friendships. The cure is not more friends. The cure is better friendships. So, while there is no path to a perfect friendship, I can suggest a few ways to develop the deeper, more authentic type of friendships that I believe every man needs, which I call the GodBuddy.

Regardless of your religious or spiritual belief, the world needs more men who live up to a higher standard for manhood. I believe that better friendships will help boys and young males become better men who use their inherently masculine traits for the greater good rather than exhibiting “toxic” traits such as emotional repression, aggression, and dominance that are harmful and repressive.

My Case for Better Friendships

Let’s start with a brief recap of why we need Better Male Friendships. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve written several new posts and others based on excerpts from my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendships, to convince you that men need better, more mature friends to help them meet the challenges of becoming an adult.

My Opening Statement

I started with a post that included a video about The Decline of Friendships by Richard Reeves, author Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It. In that video, Reeves, founder of the American Institute for Boys and Man (AIBM), highlights that boys are falling behind in school and that men are facing challenges in the labor market not simply due to individual failures, but also due to systemic problems that need to be addressed. Reeves argues that these issues impact the fragile beauty of male friendship which is corroding faster than our female counterparts.

I add to my case that former President Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, now say it’s time for more focus on the plight of boys and men.  In a recent podcast, the Obamas suggest we reframe the narrative in “Focus on What’s Right About Young Men” to widen the permission space to positively address these challenges. President Obama even liked Reeves’ book enough to put it on his summer reading list last year. 

The Evidence on Male Friendship

I then began presenting evidence on why men have difficulty making and keeping high-quality friends.

I wrote about the Life-Stages of Friendships and that we have No Time for Friends. Other factors include Male Disengagement from the Real World and the Effect of the Virtual World on Boys and Men.

Most people understand that Men Do Friendships Differently Than Women but there are many reasons Why Men Lose Friends, such as the Barriers to Male Friendship and The Masks That Hinder Better Friendships. I also suggested that sometimes, we are our worst enemy, so Don’t Be “That Guy” who has no friends.

Testimonials

I followed with My Work-Life “UN-balance” Story about my own struggle with workaholism that teetered on depression, which sent me to our church’s men’s group. It’s where I developed a concept called GodBuddies that led to this blog and my book about why men need better friendships.

I answered the question, How Many Friends Should You Have? and suggested Every Man Needs Helpers as they move into adulthood. I honored one of my earliest GodBuddies in Remembering Chris Davolos, and said The Secret to Overcoming Life’s Challenges was Higher-Quality Friendships like mine with Chris.

After describing The Friendships Men Have Now (and the One They Need!), I described the Principles of a GodBuddy Friendship, which is the kind that helped me become a better husband, father, friend, and more godly man.

Closing Arguments

I then began unfolding The Traits of a GodBuddy Friendship. I stated that most male friendships start by Finding Commonality and Building Chemistry. As men spend more time together, they get to know each other at another level and begin Developing Trust and Establishing Confidentiality. This often creates a good friendship.

However, most friendships plateau at this point since they lack the skills to help each other grow into more mature men who thrive in adulthood.

As men develop deeper, more authentic friendships, they use Empathetic Listening and show more Vulnerability, Authenticity, and Transparency. They become more open and honest with each other about their flaws, weaknesses, or transgressions. They practice Non-judgmental Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Unconditional Love, and use gentle Confrontation, Confession, and Accountability to work through their issues and challenges. This leads to greater Loyalty and Dependability, which are traits that help throughout the ups and downs of marriage, raising children, job changes, financial decisions, and possibly the eternally important matters of faith and beliefs.

I then provided some additional traits that differentiate GodBuddies from any other type of friendship. Men who believe in God provide Prayer, Support, and Encouragement, which is something everyone needs. They also have the Desire to Learn and Study for Improvement to be more like Jesus, who showed us how to live and love with purpose for the greater good of humanity.

The Son of God, who died on the cross to save us from our sins, is the ultimate role model for manhood. He even had an inner circle of close friends in the twelve disciples, whom he taught to become better men who helped change the world!

Instructions for Better Friendships

Now that I have presented my case, I hope I have convinced you why we need better friendships. Over the next several posts, I will provide several practical and useful ways to develop and maintain deeper, more authentic friendships that include:

1. Taking Stock of Your Friendships
2. Identifying Potential GodBuddies
3. Finding a Bond with Another Man
4. Deepening and Sharpening Each Other
5. Strengthening Your Friendship

Next Up: Assessing your current friendships.

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