The first part of this two-part post titled, Fear is a Liar, I described the characteristics of this critical emotion for men, how fear lies to us, and suggested the several fears of most men. In this post, I explain the positive traits of fear and how having a healthy fear is crucial to living fully into your purpose as a mature adult male.
Men Fear Disappointment
For many men, overcoming their fear is difficult. Fear is caused by our anticipation or belief that someone or something is dangerous and likely to cause pain or is a threat to us physically, emotionally, or psychologically. It distorts our perception of reality and manipulates our decision-making. It whispers negative thoughts and self-doubt in our ear. Fear can paralyze us when confronting tough choices. It makes us believe the worst-case scenarios, and prevents us from taking necessary risks. It makes us question our abilities, seize opportunities, and not step out of our comfort zones. Fear feeds on our insecurities and doubts. It tells us we’re not capable or deserving of success. Fear tells us we are not enough.
On top of The 5 Biggest Fears Of Men (Failing, Being Incompetent, Being Weak, Being Irrelevant, and Looking Foolish, I add the fear of Disappointment and Rejection. I include these since many adult men are terrified of letting down their boss, spouse or children or disappointing people.
So how do we overcome the fear of disappointment?
The Positive Side of Fear
Despite its often negative connotations, fear has several positive purposes that help our survival and personal growth:
- Protection and Survival Instincts: Fear triggers or “fight-or-flight” response by preparing our bodies to react swiftly to perceived threats. This physiological reaction can be life-saving in dangerous situations by enhancing our strength, speed, and alertness.
- Enhanced Focus and Awareness: Fear sharpens our focus and heightens our senses. Our attention becomes laser-focused on the source of fear, helping you assess the situation more effectively and respond appropriately.
- Motivation for Action: Fear motivates you to take necessary actions to overcome obstacles or avoid danger. It can push you out of our comfort zones and drive you to make decisions that we might otherwise avoid.
- Learning and Adaptation: Experiencing fear can teach you valuable lessons about yourself and your environment. You will learn from your mistakes and adapt your behaviors to avoid similar situations in the future.
- Empathy and Connection: Sharing your fears can foster empathy and strengthen social bonds among friends facing common challenges. Fear can unite people in collective efforts to address threats or overcome adversity.
- Personal Growth: Conquering fear often leads to personal growth and development. Facing and overcoming fears can build resilience, confidence, and a sense of accomplishment.
- Indicator of Values: Fear can highlight what is important to us. It can serve as a compass, guiding us towards decisions that align with our values and priorities.
While fear can be overwhelming and uncomfortable, understanding its positive aspects can also help you become a better man.
The Positive Side of Fear
Understanding some of the positive sides of fear can help us diminish its power and regain control over our lives. It also helps us challenge fear with courage, rational thinking, and productive actions.
Developing a positive viewpoint of fear means having a healthy respect for something, like the heat of fire or the power of the water. You wouldn’t touch a burning log with your hands or swim in the roaring ocean due to your understanding of the fear of their effects.
Another positive fear is having a reverential awe of a divine being, like the “Fear of God.” Often mentioned in religious contexts, particularly within Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, it means having a reverential awe for the divine. Having a Fear of God combines the elements of obedience, humility, wisdom, and accountability as your commitment to a life guided by spiritual principles and moral values.
Proverbs 9:10 says “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” This awe and respect comes by understanding story of the entire Bible: the Creation by God, the Fall of humanity due to sin, the Redemption for sin as God becomes man in the form of Jesus, and the Restoration when Christ returns to the world.
Developing a Healthy Fear
As I stated in previously, having a circle of good friends to act as your personal board of directors, is critical to every man’s success. But readers of my blog know that I believe men of faith need deeper, more authentic friendships called GodBuddies. These men can help you understand the benefits of studying Scripture to know what it means to have a healthy fear of The Lord. They help you learn about Jesus Christ, who showed us how to overcome all of our fears, worries, and anxiety so we can live fully and authentically men in this world.
Wisdom for Men is based on my opinions on topics that help men become better men. The sources used for these posts are not fact-checked, but support my theory that men are better with deeper, more authentic friendships. My GodBuddy theory is based on biblical principles but applies to all men, regardless of their beliefs. Better friendships among men will help solve the crisis of male friendships and many of today’s problems… because the world needs better men!
