Why Guys Need Better Friends… and GodBuddies!

Over the 6+ years since I started this blog, I’ve written more than 350 posts about the need for better male friendships. Guys need more than just acquaintances who get together occasionally for a coffee or a beer. We need more than casual friends who engage in friendly competition or watch sports together. We need more than even good friends who work on a shared hobby, or spend time in low-expectation environments. In my opinion, most guys need to make better friends. They need friends who help them become better men.

That said, I also believe that we need friends who help us become more godly men. What I call “GodBuddies.”

Better Friends = Better Men

While every guy can benefit from surrounding themselves with mature and responsible men, there is an even better type of friendship. GodBuddies are deeper, more authentic friendships that support and encourage each other. The kind of friends that are especially important for when we hit that personal crisis that every one will eventually face.

I came to this conclusion after I struggled in my mid-40s with workaholism that teetered on depression. It was a situation that sent me to my church’s men’s group. There, I realized that men need deeper, more authentic friendships—not just keeping in touch with our childhood friends, fraternity brothers, or bowling buddies. Friendships that help us become more godly men—those who strive to become more like Jesus Christ, the Ultimate Man.

But not everyone shares this viewpoint. 

No matter what you believe (or don’t believe), whether you are spiritual or deeply religious, the need for better male friendships is clear. It doesn’t matter if you attend a church, synagogue, or temple, engage in prayer, meditation, or reflection; men need better friendships.

The Crisis of (NOT Problem with) Males

While there are many paths to becoming an adult, there are still too many immature males who have not grown up. Too many still act like boys, even well into adulthood.

Immature male behavior is also why the American Psychological Association (APA) issued guidelines that “traditional masculinity is, on the whole, harmful,” which sparked widespread public debate. 

Irresponsible males is the reason for the #MeToo movement. It’s why we see an increase in fatherlessness. It’s why males make up over 90% of the total incarcerated population in the United States. Its why boys and men are failing.

But not all masculinity is “toxic,” and not all men are bad, as some in today’s culture would have you believe. But we need to build men who understand responsible manhood and how to use their masculine traits properly.

The Crisis (of Today’s Culture) for Males

Several experts have presented research on the growing concern for boys and men. Each are concerned about how we raise, educate, and nurture young males. 

This incudes authors like Jonathan Haidt (The Anxious Generation); Richard Reeves (Of Boys and Men; also see Reeves great video, The Decline of Friendship); Drs. Warren Farrell and John Gray (The Boy Crisis) and Michael Gurian and Sean Kullman (Boys, A Rescue Plan: Moving Beyond the Politics of Masculinity to Healthy Male Development). Each present valid reasons why we need equal support as provided to girls and women.

Even prominent female authors, psychologists, and journalists highlight how shifting how cultural, technological, and workforce shifts have left men feeling unmoored. These include Niobe Way (Rebels With a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves and Our Culture), Christina Hoff Sommers (The War Against Boys), and Christine Emba (see her viral The Washington Post essay, “Men are lost. Here’s a map out of the wilderness”).

There is also confusion about what it means to “be a man” these days. It’s another reason why so many boys, adolescents, mid-life, and even older guys often isolate themselves. In fact, former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy believes there is an epidemic of loneliness, especially among males of all ages.

The Crisis of (AND Problem with) Male Friendships

Most men have plenty of acquaintances but very few true friends. It’s why I have written in numerous posts and my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendship. Over the years, I have come to believe we must train up the next generation of mature and responsible men. One way is with better male friendships.

Certainly, we need friends to decompress and socialize. We need guys who work on cars together, do video gaming online, or enjoy fishing, hiking, or golfing. We may have coworkers, neighbors, church members, teammates, social media contacts, and people we see regularly. 

But most of these are low-pressure environments with bad behavior, little or no emotional connection, and a lack of depth.  

The evidence is clear: too many guys still experience loneliness, isolation, and a lack of meaningful connection. More than ever before, we need deeper, authentic friendships that help develop better men.

My next post goes into more details about my GodBuddy concept. 

There is more to come!

Spoiler alert: In the coming weeks, I have some exciting news about a new content channel to reach a broader audience of men.

WHY? Because the issue of male isolation and loneliness is everywhere.

Help me spread the word about how deeper, more authentic male friendships can build the mature and responsible men that our world needs.