Books, articles, and pop culture have taught that every man will hit a big turning point in life — that dramatic moment recognizable as the classic “mid-life crisis.” This crisis is a sudden shift: a dramatic “What have I done with my life?” moment at some point between their mid-30s and mid-50s. In this next post for my series, “One Man’s Voice…in the Noise,” I’ll explore how men can move successfully through this critical point, not by fearing when the crisis will come, but by managing the daily questions about their decisions, regrets, and identity.
The Daily Midlife Crisis?
For this next post of One Man’s Voice… I use an essay by blogger and pastor Justin Poythress. In The Midlife Crisis Is Dead. All Hail the Daily Midlife Crisis,” Poythress argues that the real struggle many men—and indeed people of all ages—face isn’t a single dramatic event but the relentless, grinding daily crisis of identity, comparison, and “What if?” questions.
Poythress opens by noting how younger men in his group had never even heard of a mid-life crisis. He reasons it is not because the concept of this crisis has disappeared but that the concept has changed. Instead of one big crisis halfway through life, he believes we live in a state of constant crisis, an existential questioning.
The author believes that beneath this stereotype lies a deeper search for identity, purpose, and legacy. It’s less about rebellion and more about reconciliation. They are trying to align who they have become with who they hoped to be. He suggests the daily crisis is more mundane: every morning we wake up asking ourselves, “Am I doing the right thing? Did I make the right choice back then? What life would I have lived if I did something else?”
Mid-Life Crisis vs Our Daily Crisis
Poythress’ view is that the traditional idea of the mid-life crisis is a sudden life shake-up, perhaps triggered by a sense that time’s running out. It’s the time when many men have a meltdown. My observation is that some guys go on a “bender,” that alcohol-induced ride that lasts days, weeks, or even months. Others buy a new sports car, have an affair, or make a reckless job change. In my opinion, each response simply masks the pain of their feelings of regret, restlessness, dissatisfaction, or fear of aging.
He also reflects on how comparison —looking at others’ lives, their “successes,” their decisions—feeds a persistent dissatisfaction: “What if I had gotten up five minutes later? What if I hadn’t wasted five minutes on social media?” What if I had a bigger house or nicer car?
Reframing the Struggle
Poythress then offers a compelling way to reframe the struggle. He says the battle isn’t just a single dramatic crisis, but the daily micro-crises of identity, comparison, and purpose. Recognizing this can shift our thinking from awaiting the mid-life crash and upheaval, to responding each day to the quieter crisis within. Instead of trying to “fix” life in one big leap (new car, new job, radical move, an affair), we should become grounded in the life we actually have. We must rediscover our calling and rest in the assurance that we belong to something larger than our mistakes. This invites steadiness over crisis, presence over panic, and rooted identity over endless comparison.
Given his theological background, he draws on the Apostle Paul’s writing in 1 Corinthians 7:17: “Only, let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him…”
This highlights that our identity isn’t found in the alternate path we imagine but in the path we’re living that God has given us. It also means we should not ignore the “what ifs” of life entirely, but realize they don’t have the final say over our meaning or purpose. The question becomes not “What will I do in mid-life?” but “What am I doing today with the life I’ve been given, and how will I stay anchored in purpose when the pressure is on?”
How Friends Help During A Crisis
Of course, my suggestion is that your inner circle of male friends- or what I call GodBuddies, can play a crucial role in helping you navigate any kind of crisis by helping you navigate the stresses and pressures of daily life.
Here’s how friends can make a difference:
1. During a Traditional Mid-Life Crisis: They Help You Re-Center
When a man hits the “big” mid-life moment — questioning his career, marriage, or purpose — help him slow down and gain perspective before he makes drastic decisions.
- Listen without judgment. Let him vent, doubt, and process. Don’t jump straight to advice or jokes.
- Reflect truth back to him. Remind him of what’s real — his strengths, past accomplishments, his faith, and what truly matters.
- Discourage impulsive choices. Encourage reflection before major life changes (buying that car, quitting that job, or leaving a relationship).
- Reignite hope. Help him see that meaning doesn’t have to come from starting over — it can come from starting deeper.
2. During the Daily Mid-Life Crisis: They Walk Beside You Consistently
The “daily crisis” of the constant comparisons, regrets, and questioning, can wear a man down over time. This is where steady friendships become lifesavers.
- Show up regularly. Consistency builds stability in a world that constantly shifts.
- Encourage gratitude and perspective. Talk about the good things that often get lost in the noise of “what-ifs.”
- Keep him accountable. Help him stay grounded in commitments — to his faith, family, health, and calling.
- Be real, not performative. Share your own doubts and struggles so he knows he’s not alone in them.
- Pray or reflect together. Spiritual friendship provides meaning beyond performance and success.
3. For Any Kind of Crisis: They Offer Presence, Not Perfection
Whether it’s the “big crash” or the “daily grind,” the best kind of friend doesn’t try to fix everything. He simply walks alongside you. He gives permission to be imperfect, to doubt, to question. Friends help rebuild community rather than allowing you to hide in isolation.
Find Better Friends Before Your Crisis
The truth is, every man will face some form of crisis — maybe not the kind that makes headlines, but the kind that quietly asks, “Am I enough?” The difference between falling apart and growing through it often depends on who’s walking beside you.
The best time to develop strong, faithful friendships is before life falls apart. Once the mid-life (or daily) crisis hits, you don’t want to start from zero, looking for people who understand you. You want brothers already walking beside you. Start building the kind of brotherhood now. Find men who will listen, challenge, pray, and stand firm — not just when the crisis hits, but throughout the ordinary daily crisis in between.
That’s my voice in the noise for this week. Feel free to comment or share this post with others. Watch for my next installment in One Mans Voice… coming soon.
