Better Men Overcome Their Anger

Anger – unfortunately, is one of the emotions most men struggle to control. However, knowing the difference between uncontrolled anger – often called rage, and righteous anger, often known as indignation, helps us realize anger is acceptable when channeled toward the right situations. It also helps to have other mature men help you learn to manage this emotion.

Contrary to Popular Belief, Men Have Emotions Too, since males are no less of an emotional creature than females. In a previous series titled A Man and His Emotions, I explained the “Why”, the “How” and the “What” to do with the eight emotions men must understand and learn to manage to become better men. The series included individual posts on Anger, Fear, Sadness, Happiness, Pride (Ego), Guilt (Shame), Anxiety, and Boredom (Aloneness). I concluded that having a GodBuddy to come alongside you in prayer and provide encouragement will help you learn to become a better man.

Differences Between Sinful Anger and Righteous Anger 

A post titled, Discerning the Differences Between Righteous Anger & Sinful Anger, differentiates between “bad” anger and “good” anger.

Uncontrolled anger – often called rage, is a sinful anger that results from selfish, self-serving motives. It expresses itself in ways that run over people.  Bad anger causes the greatest amount of harm in one’s life—to themselves. This is an anger that is in the “sinful” category because no one else can ever make you angry. Sure, others may provoke you, insult you, and be difficult to deal with. But your response of anger – either expressed outwardly or suppressed and stays beneath the surface in your heart – is yours to own. That person did not force you to respond with bitterness or unkind words. 

The other is righteous anger, often referred to as indignation, that honors God and comes from godly convictions. Good or righteous anger is an emotion that it directed toward what angers God Himself. especially when we are confronted with sin; either our own or by someone else. We can be angry at ourselves when we sin. We can also be angry when we see someone else sinning. Examples would include abuse, bullying, human sex trafficking, pornography, racism, oppression, etc. Indignation is a sign of appropriate humility whenever when (not if) we fail to be angry in a way that pleases God. 

Jesus Himself was angry, and rightly so (Matt 21:12-3, John 11:38). But remember, He was the only Perfect human. He demonstrated what anger—rightly motivated, directed, and expressed—would look like if sin were not in the world. 

The first step for any man is to acknowledge his anger and own it. It also helps to ask yourself some questions:

  1. Do you get angry about the right things? 
  2. Do you express anger in the right way? 
  3. How long does your anger last? 
  4. How controlled is your anger? 
  5. What motivates your anger? 
  6. Is your anger “primed and ready” to respond to another person’s habitual sins? 
  7. What is the effect of your anger? 

Scripture reminds us to be careful in our anger, that we do not sin. “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26–27). Realize that righteous anger reacts against actual sin. Righteous anger is God-oriented, not me-oriented. Realize it expresses itself in godly ways. When you feel anger bubbling up in you, take a deep breath and pray that God will help you channel that anger in a way that pleases Him.

So learn to confess your sin of anger to one of your GodBuddies. Ask him to pray for you and hold you accountable to work through the reason for your anger. You will become a better man when you find ways to manage (not control) your bad anger and use righteous anger appropriately.  

Wisdom for Men is based on my opinions on topics that help men become better men. The sources used for these posts are not fact-checked but support my theory that men are better with deeper, more authentic friendships. My GodBuddy theory is based on biblical principles but applies to all men, regardless of their beliefs. Better friendships among men will help solve the crisis of male friendships and many of today’s problems… because the world needs better men!

[Source: photo from a Facebook post by Order of Man, some content from a post from Rocky Creek Church in Greenville, SC]


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