As I continue this series about common language for our pursuit of better male friendships, I want to speak out against loneliness and isolation. Though I dislike the word “manifesto” (see why below), this is my declaration against living in a proverbial “man cave.” It explains why men must pursue deep, authentic friendships with other men. It doesn’t just call us “out” for being men, but calls us “up” to higher standards for manhood that build better men, husbands, and fathers.
Whether you are religious, spiritual, secular, or still figuring it out, the need for better friends applies to you. Although my GodBuddies concept is based on my faith in Jesus –our ultimate role model, most people will agree the world needs more mature and responsible men. I believe men become better with better male friendships.
New Language for Male Friendships
After my initial post with the “why” we need New Language for Male Friendship, my last post covered The Male Friendship Creed. It was my core statement about the type of friends who build up and encourage each other, as opposed to the kind who pull each other down into immature male behaviors.
Later in this series, I will provide more tools to help you build better friends. In the meantime, I hope that this new language provides a clearer vision for why better male friendships will help build the next generation of nature and responsible men that the world needs today.
The Effects of Isolation and Loneliness
Today, too many male friendships are superficial—built around convenience, activities, and surface interests. We fail to foster the deep, soul-level support that we truly need. As we suffer in silence, we hide behind a mask that covers our flaws and shortcomings. We retreat into our proverbial “man cave” whenever we are challenged or stressed out. There, we self-medicate with a variety of addictions: with excessive screen time, by abusing alcohol or drugs, and by viewing pornography. Avoiding genuine friendship actually robs us of our masculine strength. It keeps us from finding true connections and real purpose. Isolation creates an anger against everything: against the government, against other men, against women, and against meeting our responsibilities as men.
It is my belief (and that of many others) that we need to call men up to higher standards for manhood. It’s up to us train young males on how to be responsible adult men. We must call them into accountability and help them pursue what is good and noble. This means breaking away from the out-dated “man box” set of rigid, socially constructed expectations and rules that pressure males to conform to old definitions of masculinity. It calls all males to eliminate the “toxic” behaviors that emphasize dominance, self-sufficiency, aggression, emotional suppression, and hypersexuality which are viewed as “manly” traits.
This is not proper manhood. It is the immaturity of males who continue to act like little “boys” even as adults.
The “Cry Out” For Men
I mentioned earlier that I dislike the term “manifesto.” My reason is that too many mass shooters typically leave a manifesto behind to justify their actions. In reality, they were crying out. They were isolated with no one to turn to for help. To that end, maybe manifesto is an appropriate title for this statement against male isolation and loneliness. I welcome your suggestions and comments about this title.
In previous posts, I’ve also stated that many experts believe males are failing. Boys and men need more support. They need to learn how to confront complacency, pursue growth, and find their purpose. They need to learn to shed the masks that hide their fear, shame, and pride. When men surround themselves with other men who are authentic and vulnerable about their own failures, they show maturity. They show courage and integrity by revealing their true selves to others. They become men who encourage each other. Men who are accountable and exhibit proper male behavior. men who mentor boys and young men into adulthood.
So here is my “cry out” to all men to fight male isolation. You need deeper, more authentic friendships. Call them a band of brothers, your inner circle, a personal board of directors, or simply call them GodBuddies. Whatever works for you! The impact will ripple outward to families, communities, and society.
A Manifesto Against Male Isolation
Paired with the Male Friendship Creed, we call men to put an end to their superficial friendships and immature behaviors that come from retreating into isolation and its resulting loneliness. It’s a call to walk together with purpose in deeper, more authentic friendships.
- Males are falling behind —and paying the price of their loneliness. They have dropping rates of success in education, work, family life, and worse health outcomes with increasing rates of depression and suicide.
- We are connected and busy, yet deeply alone. Many men have numerous acquaintances, but stick to safe topics and carry their burdens in silence.
- The “man cave” is not refuge—it’s retreat. It fuels isolation, passivity, distraction, and addictive behaviors that keep men hidden rather than healed.
- Isolation is not strength or maturity. It erodes our families and weakens our purpose by replacing genuine friendship with shallow, avoidant relationships.
- We must reject the “man box” and “toxic” masculinity. These false ideas promote independence, image-management, emotional silence, and dominance that keep immature males stuck.
- The way forward is deeper, authentic friendship with other men. It will help develop the next generation of mature and responsible men.
We are committed to walk together—showing up, speaking honestly, staying engaged, and holding each other accountable to higher standards of manhood to become great men.
*** Download the full Manifesto Against Male Loneliness here ***
My next post will include some action items to help you build a group of better friends. I’ll follow with a 12-week guided journey into real male friendship, and a covenant that will strengthen the commitment to help each other become better men. Better Friends. Great men.
To learn more, pick up a copy of my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendship, and read it together with a group of men. It has questions for personal reflection and small group study.
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