Now that I have finished presenting my evidence for 2025 as the year for Better Male Friendships, it’s time to summarize the case. Throughout this series, I’ve attempted to convince you that every man needs friends who help him become a better man. I also suggested the best version of a friend is the deeper, more authentic type I call GodBuddies. No matter whether you consider yourself secular, just spiritual, or even religious, this information can help you build higher-quality friendships.
This overview of my case includes links to each post, which is largely based on excerpts from my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendships. Of course, I would be forever grateful if you would buy a copy of the book. It contains personal reflection prompts and small group study questions for each chapter. You can purchase it from Amazon here or contact me through this link. You can get a signed copy and a discount on a bulk order from my website here. Read it with friends or study it in your men’s group. Afterward, let me know how it goes.
Now, for the recap of my series about the need for better male friendships. Enjoy!
Men and Women Need Each Other
Friendship is not just a social construct, a belief system, or an opinion. Males and females were created for relationships. It is part of the human experience and the continuation of the human species. We need each other for intimacy. Mixed-gender relationships are good for our mental, emotional, and physical health. It helps us learn how to balance our inner “masculine” and “feminine” energies in ways that create a societal cohesion, unity, and a better world.
However, males need male friends just as females need female friends, because we understand our gender’s issues and challenges. But friendships between men and women can be risky, so I suggested we need to be cautious with all male-female friendships. More about that later in this post.
There is a Crisis of Male Friendship
The reality is most guys have few or no friends. Statistics prove it. Studies show that 57% of men report feeling lonely and 15% of men claim to have no close friends at all. This Decline of Friendship is why the U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy calls it an epidemic of loneliness.
Some guys say they have a few really good friends. But many actually have none at all. Most men today have no one close enough to them to know their strengths and their weaknesses. They have no one to celebrate their joys and successes or support them during their struggles. We all need a close friend we can call after our car breaks down in the middle of the night or when we are having a personal crisis.
Do you have that “2:00 am friend”?
Males are Struggling…
Despite traditional media messaging, there is growing concern for boys and men. Recent studies show that young males are failing in school, the workplace, and in their families. The research suggests the need for equal support as we have provided to girls and women over the years.
Experts like Richard Reeves, author of the book Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It, have highlighted the many ways males are falling behind. Reeves has also written about the fragile beauty of male friendship.
Drs. Warren Farrell and John Gray, authors of The Boy Crisis have also written about the “crisis” of education, mental health, and purpose for boys and young men. They highlight increasing suicide rates, falling behind girls in education, and a loss of traditional male purpose, advocating for greater parental engagement, a redefinition of masculinity, and societal efforts to support boys’ well-being and provide positive male role models
Another recent book, Boys, A Rescue Plan: Moving Beyond the Politics of Masculinity to Healthy Male Development by Dr. Michael Gurian and Sean Kullman, provides valid reasons why parents, schools, and communities should be concerned.
Lastly, Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, explains how digital devices impact boys in worse ways than girls.
Each provides statistics and facts about this crisis, along with suggestions on how to better raise, educate, and nurture boys and young males.
But the Narrative is changing
Recently, former President Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle (parents of two young women, by the way), have suggested it’s time to reframe the narrative about boys and men and address their challenges in a recent podcast titled “Focus on What’s Right About Young Men”.
Several states have identified the issue. California Governor Gavin Newsom recently issued an executive order to expand access to mental health support, along with educational and workforce opportunities for men in their 20s and early 30s, who are experiencing increasing rates of suicide, unemployment, and gaps in educational achievement.
As author and philosopher, Christina Hoff Sommers, argues in The War Against Boys: How Misguided Policies Are Harming Our Young Men, modern education policies are neglecting and even harming boys. She says we need government policies that support boys and men equally, as we support girls and women.
The Institute for Family Studies provides considerable evidence that fatherlessness has a terrible impact on young men. They highlight the need for better fathers, raising better children.
But this is not a political issue. I believe its a friendship issue. At least for males.
Building Your Brotherhood of Better Friends
After those introductory posts, I started writing about the Life-Stages of Friendships, and that today’s fast-paced life leaves us No Time for Friends. Another factor is self-imposed isolation and Male Disengagement from the Real World due to the Effect of the Virtual World on Boys and Men. Most people understand that Men Do Friendships Differently Than Women, and there are many reasons Why Men Lose Friends. This includes several Barriers to Male Friendship and The Masks That Hinder Better Friendships. Other personality quirks and habits may drive friends away, so recognize those and Don’t Be “That Guy” who has no friends.
I explained My Work-Life “UN-balance” Story that began my journey to writing this blog and my book. I answered the question, How Many Friends Should You Have? and suggested Every Man Needs Helpers since The Secret to Overcoming Life’s Challenges was Higher-Quality Friendships. After describing The Friendships Men Have Now (and the One They Need!), I outlined The Principles of a GodBuddy Friendship. By definition, GodBuddies are a small group of men who are learning together to become more like Jesus Christ, the ultimate role model for manhood. More on that later in this post.
I wrote that most male friendships start by Finding Commonality and Building Chemistry. When men spend more time together, we begin Developing Trust and Establishing Confidentiality, which helps create a good friendship. But many friendships plateau at this point as they lack the skills to help each other grow into mature men who thrive in adulthood.
The Characteristics of Better Friendships
I then described the Traits of a GodBuddy Friendship. While I believe that the best version of a man is one who follows Jesus, all men become better men by applying these attributes. I’ve found that Men “Sharpen” Men just by hanging around with high-quality guys.
As we begin to develop deeper, more authentic friendships, Empathetic Listening leads to showing more Vulnerability, Authenticity, and Transparency as we are more open and honest with each other about our flaws, weaknesses, and transgressions. We practice Non-judgmental Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Unconditional Love, and use gentle Confrontation, Confession, and Accountability to work through our issues and challenges. This leads to greater Loyalty and Dependability, which help men throughout the ups and downs of life: marriage, raising children, job changes, financial decisions, and even exploring the eternal matters of faith.
Transforming Good Friendships into Great Friends
I then began describing the traits that differentiate GodBuddies from every other type of friendship. Men who believe in God provide Prayer, Support, and Encouragement. They also have the Desire to Learn and Study for Improvement.
I then began describing How to Develop Better Friendships. I suggested Taking Stock of Your Friendships to determine if any are helping you become a better man. This assessment works for all relationships, but it will also help you in Identifying Potential GodBuddies, which I believe is the goal for all men who share the desire to be more like Jesus Christ, the goal for all who believe in Him.
However, I provided some guidance on Finding a Bond with Another Man, and How to Strengthen Your Friendship. Most importantly, I wrote about how to handle mixed gender relationships in a 3-part post, Proceed with Caution: Opposite Gender Friendship. In that post, I also suggested that your wife should not be your only “best friend.” I then followed it with a post to share: Wives: Encourage Your Husband to Make Friends to help support you spending time with your guy friends.
The Case for Becoming like Jesus
The Son of God, who died on the cross to save us from our sins, was the only perfect man. Unlike cultural models of masculinity that often emphasize dominance, wealth, or independence, Jesus demonstrated that true manhood is rooted in sacrificial love, servant leadership, and unwavering integrity.
At the core of His example was His love. Jesus consistently put others before Himself, whether by healing the sick, feeding the hungry, or welcoming outcasts. His compassion revealed that real strength is not self-centered “toxic” masculinity. Jesus taught about love, sacrifice, service, and steadfastness directed toward the good of others. He modeled courage by standing for truth. His willingness to sacrifice Himself shows that manhood is not about avoiding pain but embracing responsibility and protecting others at all costs.
Jesus also lived with integrity. His words and actions were always consistent, reflecting a character that was pure and trustworthy. In relationships, He demonstrated respect, kindness, and faithfulness—treating women with dignity in a culture that often did not. He showed patience with His disciples’ weaknesses. This integrity sets the standard for men today who are called to lead lives of honesty, loyalty, and moral clarity.
Finally, Jesus lived with a clear sense of mission. He understood His purpose and pursued it with determination, giving men today a model of living intentionally rather than drifting aimlessly. He embodied the balance of strength, humility, love, and purpose. His example challenges men to anchor their lives in God’s calling and to pursue goals that impact eternity.
In Jesus, we see that true manhood is not about power, possessions, or pride. He is the complete picture of what every man is called to become. Even Jesus had an inner circle of close friends, the disciples who became men who helped change the world!
My Conclusion: Every Man Needs Better Friends and GodBuddies
Throughout this series, I have stated that men become better men with better friends. I have also shared my belief that men need GodBuddies who help them become the best version of a man. But even if you do not believe in a higher power, God the Creator, or the saving grace of Jesus Christ, the concepts in this series will help you develop better friendships.
We must also begin to address societal expectations for what it means to be a man. We need to eradicate the “toxic masculinity” exhibited by too many immature males who act like boys even as adults. More mature men learn to overcome passivity rather than succumbing to the pressures of the world. They accept their responsibility to their family, spouse, and children. They become emotionally and physically strong. Mature men learn how to balance their masculine and feminine traits properly. These men are financially stable. They have become better men.
Better men also surround themselves with higher-quality male friends. These men fight against the patriarchal behaviors such as misogyny, sexual abuse, and homophobia that are damaging and oppressive. They teach boys and young guys about proper manhood. They serve in their communities to support the underprivileged. These men are honored, respected, and admired for their wisdom. Their legacy will last for years.
So become a man with better friends and help change the narrative about today’s manhood. Then go find some GodBuddies who are learning to follow Jesus, the ultimate model for manhood and friendship.
