Throughtout this series about 2025 as The Year for Better Male Friendships, I have written about the epidemic of loneliness in the U.S. due to the Decline of Friendship, especially among men. My last post, The Friendships Men Have Now (and the One They Need!) stated that most of us only have surface-level relationships but really need the deeper, more authentic level of friendships that I call GodBuddies. In this post, I will describe the principles of this type of friendship and how it helps us become better men. Although my GodBuddy theory is biblically based, these principles apply to anyone regardless of their religious belief, so I hope you will read on further.
Principles that Transform a Friendship
In the recent post, My Work-Life “UN-balance” Story and my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendships, I described how the pressures and responsibilities of a new career and growing family led to my struggle with severe sleeplessness that teetered toward depression. Fortunately, this incident led me to a group of men who helped me reorient my priorities and taught me some principles that helped me realize the importance of male friendship.
In the years that followed, I began to study the issues men face and realized that men there are several principles of male friendship that help men become better men:
- They “Sharpen” Each Other
- They Encourage Each Other
- They Grow Together
- They Do Life Together
Of course, there is more detail in the book, but here is a brief on each of these principles.
They “Sharpen” Each Other
As I explained in my last post, a previous post, Men “Sharpen” Men, and my book, I believe men learn best from other men. This principle is based on one of my favorite Bible verses: “As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17). It means we help each other become better men. We share wisdom gained from our life experiences. We are open and honest about “successful failures” and the lessons learned. Sharpening means we strive to live to higher standards than what the world believes about manhood.
They Encourage Each Other
Everyone needs encouragement but my experience is that most men need a lot of morale-boosting. Today, we are faced with constant criticism based on the actions of a few immature guys who abuse their masculinity and misuse their power. Some guys get discouraged easily when they fail. They need encouragement due to a fragile male-ego or the woundedness of our past. Others struggle with self-confidence and become passive without frequent positive feedback. Regardless of the reasons, we need lifting up whenever we’re down. We need cheerleaders around us to celebrate our accomplishments. We need friends who encourage each other in our marriages, our parenting and our careers.
They Grow Together
Motivational speaker Tony Robbins says that unless you’re growing, you are dying. Mature men also believe that mantra, especially when it comes to growing personally, professionally and in their faith. Get away from your computer and seek out men who you admire. Learn a new skill or hobby from a friend. Take a class together. Join a men’s social group or a golf, softball or bowling league. Attend a book group or Bible study at your local church. The goal is to not become stagnant but to be a continual learner.
They Do Life Together
Too many guys today gravitate towards remaining independent and autonomous, but it can lead to isolation and loneliness. They choose independence because it’s safe and hides their flaws. They fear being alone, eating by themselves, going to a movie by themselves, and even dying alone. In reality, they crave deep friendships with other men with whom we can laugh, play, and get real about everyday life. Doing life together means we do recreation together, encourage each other, and provide emotional or physical support when needed. It means spending time together and making friendship a priority.
The GodBuddy Principle: To Become More Christ-like
Good friends can become better men when they follow these same principles. However, there is one thing that distinguishes good friends from the deepest and best level of friendship that I call a GodBuddy: the pursuit of becoming more like Jesus Christ, the ultimate role model for manhood.
GodBuddies are a small group of men who intentionally live in contrast to how the world tells men to act these days. They encourage each other to follow God’s commandments, but also pray for each other.
These friends are open about their flaws and hold each other accountable to righteous living. They grow spiritually and study the Bible together to learn more about how to live and love like Jesus.
GodBuddies also do life together by regularly meeting for fellowship and recreation to remain physically and emotionally strong. They understand they were designed for a bigger purpose, so they volunteer and support others in need.
This one principle is what separates good friends from being a GodBuddy. It’s the type of friendship every guy needs to become the man the world needs more of today.
My next post will describe the specific traits of a GodBuddy friendship.
