Most good friends support and encourage each other when one of them goes through rough patches in life, such as a divorce, health concerns, job changes, or financial troubles. They may even say, ” I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.” But adding the personal and sincere act of praying with each other for support and encouragement is one more trait that differentiates between good friends and the type of friendship that every man needs, what I call a GodBuddy.
Men Need Support and Encouragement
Ask someone for the definition of encouragement, and you’ll likely get something like “the act of giving individual support used as motivation.” Encouragement is motivation that helps pull us up after a setback. It helps us face criticism from our boss, challenges at home, or from the coaches and teachers at school. Generally speaking, most men thrive through positive motivation and encouragement rather than from negative comments.
But encouragement also has another meaning.
According to Dr. Richard G. Aanonsen in his book, The Power of Encouragement: How to Give Away Courage, encouragement means “to give away your courage.” It takes courage to battle the ups and downs of life, so we need as much encouragement as possible. Men also need courage to become better husbands and fathers. Courage also helps us overcome the beat-down when society says all masculine behavior is “toxic.”
It also takes courage to have a GodBuddy friendship since some of the traits are risky but also necessary in this type of deeper, more authentic connection.
The Traits of Better Friendships
As I began making my case for Better Male Friendships, I’ve used excerpts from my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendships, to describe the traits that turn good friendships into GodBuddies.
I suggested that most male friendships start by Finding Commonality and Building Chemistry. As we spend more time together and get to know each other better, we begin Developing Trust and Establishing Confidentiality, which creates good friendships. But this is where most male friendships plateau, as these relationships lack the depth to work through life’s biggest challenges.
To add depth to their friendship, men need to practice Empathetic Listening (not just hearing). This allows us to show more Vulnerability, Authenticity, and Transparency by talking about our flaws, weaknesses, or transgressions. As men become more open and honest with each other, they also need to use Non-judgmental Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Unconditional Love. They may also need the occasional Confrontation, Confession, and Accountability to work through our tough times and challenges. It also demonstrates Loyalty and Dependability, along with Patience and Kindness, which are two more traits of Jesus Christ.
Since the primary goal of being GodBuddies is to help each other become more like Christ, we must learn how to practice these traits, which Jesus modeled better than anyone who ever lived.
Be like Barnabas “The Encourager”
As I wrote in a 2019 post, the Three Relationships Every Man Needs, the Bible tells the story of the Apostle Paul and Barnabas, who was nicknamed the “son of encouragement” by the early church (Acts 4:36). Barnabas was the kind of man you want to have around you. He wasn’t a spiritual cheerleader but a man of great conviction who wanted to see the church grow. Barnabas was at Paul’s side (Acts 9:26-30) and stood up for him courageously when others didn’t. The twosome traveled together on Paul’s first missionary journey and became close peers and friends. As a result, Paul became more confident in his newfound faith and began to speak boldly about Jesus to thousands of new Christians.
Like Barnabas supported Paul, encouragement from a GodBuddy will help you become a better man.
Prayer is Encouragement and Support
I’ve found that many people don’t pray enough. Most men pray when they are in trouble or want to receive something. They ask God to meet their needs when they’re in a crisis, when a loved one is sick, or when they need emotional support. In his book, Celebration of Discipline, author Richard J. Foster calls prayer the most central of all the spiritual disciplines because it “ushers in perpetual communion with God.”
Even if you are not religious, having people pray for you is powerful. No matter how successful we may appear in the world’s eyes, we fight battles (spiritual and non-spiritual) every day. Many faiths, including Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, believe God is omniscient (all-knowing) and omnipresent (everywhere at once), meaning most people believe that God hears all prayers. This means our Creator is aware of all thoughts and feelings, even our unspoken prayers and deepest longings of our hearts.
Not Sure How to Pray?
In its simplest form, prayer is talking with God. While the Bible suggests that we “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18), any amount of prayer can feel quite daunting. I have found it helpful to use quick, one-sentence “arrow prayers” during a crisis, problem, or difficult activity. I have used these arrow prayers before going into a big meeting or to thank Him for a blessing.
Perhaps you have also heard of the acrostic, ACTS, about how to pray: Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication. I’d suggest using that acrostic, but with a twist that applies to praying for your GodBuddy:
A is for Authentic – Pray for your GodBuddy to become authentic with you. Encourage him to be genuine and bring no pretense. Your relationship needs full disclosure and authenticity to help you both become better men.
C is for Committed – Pray that you and your GodBuddy commit to making your relationship last. Encourage frequent get-togethers, even if it’s just to hang-out or watch a game. Your friendship should not become programmatic nor should it become stale and routine. But it does need commitment.
T is for Trust – Pray that you will learn to trust each other completely and speak the truth in love. This means being honest and open about your weaknesses. Encourage your GodBuddy to trust that your constructive feedback is for their own good.
S is for Supportive – Pray that you will remain supportive of each other through good times and bad times. Encourage your GodBuddy to pray for you so the relationship is not a one-way street.
Here are several Bible verses that encourage us to pray and encourage others:
- “Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.’’’ (Mark 10:27)
- “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
- “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
- “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16b)
GodBuddies Pray For and With Each Other
Prayer and words of encouragement are the lifeblood of your GodBuddy relationship. We need encouragement to persevere through difficulties. We need encouragement to lift our hearts out of despair whenever we are down. When like-minded men band together in prayer, we feel supported and will lean forward with strength and perseverance to be the rock for our family and children.
As men journey through life, keep prayer and encouragement at the forefront of your friendship. Be a Barnabas and encourage each other by praying for and with each other. Prayer is a deeper level of support and encouragement that helps you grow to become more like Jesus.
Next Up: My next post is about the Desire to Learn and Study for Improvement.
