My next post for this series on Better Male Friendships describes another aspect that transforms your good friendship into the type of friends that I believe every man needs. It’s a step that adds depth and “sharpens” your relationship into what I call a GodBuddy friendship; the deeper, more authentic type that will help men navigate the challenges of adulthood best.
Why Men Need Better Friends
Throughout this series, I have presented evidence of a Decline of Friendship. Reports shows that 57% of men feel lonely, and 15% claim to have zero close friends, which leads experts to believe we have reached an epidemic of loneliness in our country. Sadly, the side effects are that boys and young men are failing by many measures, as demonstrated by the rising rates of suicide and unemployment. There is also a widening gap in educational achievement. This leaves too many lacking the skills of adulthood.
I believe we can address these concerns through stronger male friendships. When men cultivate deeper, more supportive relationships with each other, they become better role models and mentors. Their positive influence helps develop healthy expressions of masculinity, rather than the behaviors associated with “toxic masculinity” we see too often today.
Practical Ways to Better Friendships
After summarizing my case for better friendships in How to Develop Better Friendships, I began using excerpts from my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendships.
I described the Traits of a GodBuddy Friendship, which shows the progression of transforming good friendships into GodBuddies.
- Finding Commonality and Building Chemistry
- Developing Trust and Establishing Confidentiality
- Vulnerability, Authenticity, and Transparency
- Empathetic Listening (not just hearing)
- Non-judgmental Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Unconditional Love
- Confrontation, Confession, and Accountability
- Loyalty and Dependability
- Patience and Kindness
- Prayer, Support, and Encouragement
- Desire to Learn and Study for Improvement
I then suggested Taking Stock of Your Friendships to determine which were helping you become a better man. This assessment would help in Identifying Potential GodBuddies, which I define as a small group of friends who make each other better men by learning to follow Jesus.
Go Deeper To Sharpen Each Other
I’ve written previously that Men “Sharpen” Men, which is based on my favorite Bible verse: Proverbs 27:17, which says “As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another.”
This means that when men spend time together, they learn from each other and “sharpen” each other into better men. This comes by working through the ins and outs of your relationship. Sharpening comes through words of encouragement. It also comes through constructive feedback that addresses your weaknesses. Sharpening comes when men enjoy fellowship and recreation. But it also comes through accountability to help each other become more like Jesus.
As men develop a spiritual connection, here are several practices that I believe Christ’s Holy Spirit guides them into to add spiritual depth to their friendship:
- They Become Vulnerable
GodBuddies are open to inspection. They become vulnerable by allowing themselves to be seen. Deeply seen. They overcome the question that haunts all men, “Am I enough?”
C.S. Lewis summed this up perfectly by his statement about friendship in his book, The Four Loves: “Eros [lust] will have naked bodies; friendship, naked personalities.” This means friends will allow each other to see them as completely “naked” by removing anything that hides their sins.
It takes courage to let yourself be seen. Take the risk. Be courageous.
- They Maintain Confidentiality
Friends so not share anything discussed outside of their relationship. They place confidence in each other and keep their secrets and struggles private. They commit to keeping things between the two of them and do not violate the code of your friendship.
The only exception is when you sense your friend or his family or others may be in danger.
- They Allow Constructive Feedback
GodBuddies are honest about their shortcomings since it helps all aspects of his life: his work, his family, and his friendships. He allows his friends to point out his “blind-spots” like the writer of Proverbs 27:6 says, “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” Men need feedback, even when it hurts or can be embarrassing.
- They Are Accountable
Most people want a coach or fitness trainer. They say something like, “I need somebody to hold me accountable.” But in reality, they don’t want anyone to do so! When you give your GodBuddies permission to ask you tough questions, it shows you’re willing to change your ways.
Brett Clemmer, VP of Leadership Development at Man in the Mirror Ministries, wrote in Accountability Starts With Trust that men need to be in a relationship with another man for a while before they will want to become accountable. Klemmer writes, you can’t just start an accountability group. You can only become one because “Accountability without relationship is legalism.”
GodBuddies Continually Sharpen and Grow Together
GodBuddies set the bar high and remind each other to keep growing spiritually, emotionally, and physically. This “sharpening” starts by becoming better men with better friends who help other men live to God’s higher standards for manhood; those modeled by His Son, Jesus Christ.
Next Up: Strengthening Your Friendship
[Feature Photo Created by ChatGPT]
