This set of posts for the new year is about creating a common language for your pursuit of better male friendships. After my initial post explaining the “why” of better male friendships, I wrote a Male Friendship Creed, which I followed with my Manifesto Against Male Isolation. This next post for the series is the call to develop friendships that go beyond the surface-level relationships too many men have today. This isn’t about dragging you out of the “man cave”; it’s about challenging you to rise “up” to a higher standard of manhood. It is a call to walk together in consistency, honesty, and accountability as mature and responsible men. It’s the call to develop deeper, more authentic friendships that help us become the men the world needs more of today.
Building Your Inner Circle: Steps to Better Friendships
Most men don’t lack acquaintances. They lack a group of trusted men who know them well enough to challenge them when needed and walk with them through life. Call it an inner circle, a band of brothers, or your personal board of directors. I call them, GodBuddies, which is a theory about friendships inspired by the men who helped me through my own struggles with workaholism, strengthened my faith journey, and helped me become a better man.
So even if you’re wrestling with belief or what it means to be a man today, this message applies to you.
This call is not about adding more contacts to your address book, or more activities to your already-busy calendar. It is not about just going out occasionally for coffee or a beer with the guys after a game. It is about forming intentional relationships; the kind that doesn’t happen accidentally. It’s about developing a brotherhood with men who celebrate each other’s successes and inspire each other to find their purpose and strive for excellence. This is about having friends who help each other become more mature and responsible men.
Call to Action: Get Out Of Your Man Cave
This is an invitation to step out of your proverbial “man cave” and choose brotherhood over isolation and loneliness. Paired with the Male Friendship Creed and Manifesto against Male Isolation, these action steps will help you:
- Identify 2–4 men you trust—or want to trust.
- Initiate a conversation that goes beyond the surface.
- Commit to consistency, honesty, and accountability.
This plan goes beyond simply expanding your network of contacts or adding more social obligations to your already-busy schedule. It will help you find men who walk together with consistency, honesty, and accountability. Men who encourage and support each other through their struggles and celebrate each other’s successes. Men who inspire each other to find purpose and strive for excellence. Better friends who help each other become better men.
- DEFINE What You Want in a Friend. Redefine what you’re looking for from your friends and what you value in a friendship.
- IDENTIFY Potential Friends (Not Perfect Ones). Make a short list of men whom you admire. Avoid waiting for “ideal” candidates. Deeper, authentic relationships are formed, not found.
- INITIATE. Make the First Move (Yes, You!) Initiate intentionally. Most men wait for someone else to lead. Go first. Better friendships are built by men willing to reach out, rather than waiting.
- CREATE a Rhythm, Not a Vague Intention. Meet regularly. Choose consistency over convenience.
- ESTABLISH Trust and Confidentiality at the Beginning. Agree that what’s shared stays confidential. Trust is not assumed—it is protected. State it clearly.
- PRACTICE Real Conversation (Not Just Updates). Ask deeper questions. Go beyond work, weather, or sports. Talk about life.
- INVITE Accountability, Not Advice. Permit them to challenge you. Better friends don’t control each other. Ask for honesty, not approval. Care enough to speak up. Be open to hearing hard truths.
- COMMIT to Mutual Growth. Tie your friendship to becoming better men. Talk about good habits, character issues, maintaining integrity, finding purpose, and setting direction. Encourage progress, not perfection.
- STAY When It Gets Uncomfortable. Don’t disappear or retreat. Every meaningful friendship will hit rough patches. Persevere through the ups and downs.
- REMEMBER Brotherhood Is a Lifestyle, Not a Phase. Recommit regularly. Inner circles don’t maintain themselves. Brotherhood is a practice, not a program. Prioritize your time together.
*** Download the full Call to Action here ***
My next post begins your 12-week guided journey into real male friendship. I will begin with an introduction and a covenant to help your group strengthen its commitment to help each other become better men.
Better friends create better men. Great men.
Pick up a copy of my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendship, and read it together with a group of men. The book has even more details, including questions for personal reflection and small group study.
[Feature Image created with ChatGPT]
