Have you ever been disappointed by a friend? Did they not show up (for the third straight time!) for your bowling or golf match? Are you still waiting for the information he promised weeks ago? Do you have a friend you can count on? The next set of traits of a good friendship is about being loyal and dependable. This post describes the difference between these two traits and how they help you become a better friend because every man needs that “2:00 am friend,” regardless of whether your friendship is that of a GodBuddy or not.
Traits that Transform Friendships
As I make my case for 2025 as The Year for Better Male Friendships, I’ve been using excerpts from my book, Get Out of Your Man Cave: The Crisis of Male Friendships, about the traits that turn a good friendship into a deeper, more authentic friendship that I call a GodBuddy. So far, I’ve explained that most friendships begin by Finding Commonality and Building Chemistry. As men get to know each other better, they may start Developing Trust and Establishing Confidentiality. Over time, they may become closer friends, but this is where most friendships plateau. They remain just good friends, who may not be helping each other become better men.
To get to the next level of friendship, men need to learn the trait of Empathetic Listening (not just hearing), which is helpful in any kind of relationship. This trait helps create a safe space where men begin to show more Vulnerability, Authenticity, and Transparency by being open and honest with each other about their flaws, weaknesses, or transgressions. These traits begin to add depth to their friendship.
The next few sets of traits are possibly the most difficult for men, though. Practicing Non-judgmental Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Unconditional Love, and Confrontation, Confession, and Accountability will begin transforming a good friendship into a GodBuddy relationship. These traits add even more depth and include a commitment to learn to follow Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who demonstrated all these traits perfectly and is our model for manhood and friendship.
Loyalty vs. Dependability – What’s the difference?
Today, many men say they are loyal and dependable, but that’s not what they demonstrate outwardly. They make wedding vows of “until death do us part,” yet ask for a divorce as soon as things get difficult. They stop being friends with another man as soon as they no longer have anything to offer or when circumstances change. Even some who claim to be good friends ditch each other when they are challenged about their behavior or viewpoints, or if the relationship becomes too much of a one-way street.
But a good friendship will flourish when it includes the traits of loyalty and dependability. The friendship becomes even deeper when they become part of your lifestyle.
So while these traits of loyalty and dependability sound similar, there is a difference. Let’s see how these apply to a GodBuddy friendship.
Loyalty
Loyalty is among the most treasured words in any language. It’s the quality of devotion or attachment to somebody or something. Loyalty is both a feeling and an action. Its synonyms are equally noble virtues: faithfulness, allegiance, fidelity, wholeheartedness, and devotion. Some people tend to be loyal by nature, while others prefer to live on their own and remain disconnected. Without loyalty, most friendships will NOT last.
Loyalty in a GodBuddy relationship is not just a concept. It affects everything you do and reflects a mutual commitment to remain loyal to each other and to God’s standards.
Dependability
While loyalty reflects our commitment, dependability reflects our priorities. Dependability is a person’s trustworthiness and responsibility. It’s the quality of making your friendship a priority and being someone they can count on like clockwork. Dependability means you immediately go to a friend after the call at 2:00 in the morning when they need help. When there is an important task to complete within a specific timeframe, guys tend to look for dependable friends. They avoid calling friends with a reputation for saying “yes” but not showing up.
The GodBuddy friendship must include dependability, as you will need to rely on each other, even when there may be a personal cost. You live by the adage “My word is my bond.” Your simple “Yes” or “No” is like gold to those who receive it. GodBuddies remain loyal to each other, regardless of their circumstances.
Biblical Support
Scripture says a lot about loyalty and dependability. Here are a few of my favorite Bible verses and two stories about these traits:
- “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)
- “Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?” (Proverbs 20:6)
- “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13)
One of the best-known cases is the story of two very good friends, David and Jonathan, in 1 Samuel, chapter 18. Although his father was the king, Jonathan knew God had already ordained David as the next king. Because he was loyal to David, Jonathan warned his friend to hide because King Saul planned to kill Jonathan out of jealousy. Later, David returned the favor as a dependable friend when he looked after Jonathan’s son, Mephibosheth, after Jonathan died in battle.
Another biblical story comes from the book of Ruth, whose loyalty is demonstrated by her complete devotion to her mother-in-law, Naomi, after their husbands die. Ruth tells Naomi, who needs to travel to a new land, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16). Later in the story, Ruth’s uncle, Boaz, was also a model of dependability and loyalty with a reputation like gold. When Naomi needed help after the two widowed women returned to Moab, Boaz honored tradition and married Ruth to protect her and continue her family line.
These Traits Apply to All Friends
Every man needs friends who are loyal and dependable. They need friends who keep their promises, like David, Ruth, and Boaz. Men need someone they can call or rely on in the middle of the night, no matter the time. They need friends to call when they are facing a crisis. They need friends who would drop everything to be there, offering comfort, help, or a listening ear, no questions asked. These friends keep their promises, characterized by deep trust and unconditional support.
American pastor and author Stu Weber says it this way in his book Tender Warrior:
“The ability to make and keep promises is central to manhood. It may be trite to say that ‘a man’s word is his bond’ but it is never trite to see it in action. It is a man at his best – giving his word and making good on it, making a promise and keeping it. The calling of every man is to offer stability to a world of chaos. Certainty to a jungle of unpredictability. Consistency to a world of flux. Security to an insecure place.”
Do you have three loyal and dependable people who keep their promises? Who can you depend on when your car breaks down in the middle of the night? Who can you call to go to your house when your faucet springs a leak while you are traveling?
GodBuddies Are Even More Loyal and Dependable
What if you are facing a spiritual crisis or have been diagnosed with a life-ending disease? You need more than a good friend. I’d suggest you need some GodBuddies.
Being a GodBuddy means you are more loyal and dependable than a good friend. Your loyalty doesn’t wane due to changing circumstances. It means you make good on your promises, like David did for Jonathan, by watching over his orphaned son. It also means you remain committed to the relationship, like Ruth and Boaz with Naomi.
This is why I believe every man needs GodBuddies: loyal and dependable friends who are godly men. These friends will pray with you, encourage you, and support you. Most importantly, they demonstrate God’s loyalty and dependability. GodBuddies believe in Jesus Christ and God’s promise of eternal life, despite our difficult worldly circumstances.
Next Up: My next post is about Patience and Kindness; two more traits of a GodBuddy friendship.
