As I continue my series about the need for Better Male Friendships, this next post is about developing a bond that moves your relationship in the direction of a deeper, more authentic friendship that I believe every man needs: one I call a GodBuddy.
First, let’s briefly recap why men need better friendships.
Many Men are Lonely and Struggling
Recent studies show that 57% of men report feeling lonely and 15% of men claim to have no close friends at all,. This leads to a genuine concern about the Decline of Friendship, especially its impact on males. Recent data shows that boys and young men are failing by many measures.
Just last week, California Governor Gavin Newsom issued an executive order to expand access to mental health support, along with educational and workforce opportunities for men in their 20s and early 30s, who are experiencing increasing rates of suicide, unemployment, and gaps in educational achievement.
Even former President Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, recently joined the cause by suggesting we need to reframe the narrative and positively address the challenges of boys and men in a recent podcast, “Focus on What’s Right About Young Men.”
Author and philosopher, Christina Hoff Sommers, also argues that modern education policies are neglecting and even harming boys in The War Against Boys: How Misguided Policies Are Harming Our Young Men.
But this is not a political issue.
Other experts like Richard Reeves, author Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It, have also highlighted the ways that boys and young males are failing today. It’s why the U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, has called this epidemic of loneliness a concern for all people.
In my opinion, men who surround themselves with better friends become better men who teach boys and young guys about proper manhood. It’s one way to root out the “toxic masculinity” of aggression and misogyny too often seen on TV, in the movies, and on the streets.
Building a Bond
My last few posts in this series have provided practical ways on How to Develop Better Friendships.
I suggested in Taking Stock of Your Friendships that you test your receptivity toward new friends and analyze your current friendships to determine which are helping you become a better man. That post included two tools (download them for FREE here and here) to help with your assessment. Those tools will help you Identify Potential GodBuddies.
Once you connect with a few men for this new type of relationship, here are a few simple but important ways to create that tighter bond:
Be a Friend First
Ralph Waldo Emerson encouraged us when he said, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Most of us have qualities that make us good friends. We’re fun to hang out with. We’re easy to engage in conversation. But pay particular attention to:
- Be a Good Listener – Don’t assume your friend wants your advice – he might just need to vent so he can work out some issues for himself.
- Show Interest in Them – Showing empathy for what they’re going through shows you care. As your friendship goes deeper, let him know you will stick with him no matter what’s going on.
- Recognize that each of you has special talents and gifts – Friends help each other with home repairs and teach each other life skills.
Each of these qualities helps make you a better friend and a better man.
Be Trustworthy
American educator and author, Stephen R. Covey believes, “One of the fastest ways to build trust is to make and keep commitments – even small commitments.”
Since most male friendships are tactical than relational, we need to incrementally build trust in our relationships through many small actions over time.
Here are some things to consider to help build trust:
- Be true to your word
- Follow through with your actions
- Be consistent and be present- Practice “Be Here Now”
- Keep all personal information confidential
- Always be honest
- Be respectful
- Be forgiving
- Keep your promises
As I wrote in a previous post, Developing Trust and Establishing Confidentiality, always use discretion, especially with intimate or embarrassing personal details that your friend may share. These are your holy secrets. You must also avoid gossip, which is very destructive and sinful. Never spread false rumors about anyone, much less your friends.
Proverbs 16:28 says, “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” The bond of trust should never be broken.
The Strongest Bond with Christ
Since the primary goal for GodBuddies is to become more like Jesus Christ. Surround yourself with other men who share this pursuit. It will create a spiritual bond to help answer your questions about faith. This bond will enable you to share wisdom and failures that help each other get through life’s challenges. This bond celebrates the successes and supports with prayer and encouragement. It’s a spiritual bond that turns your good friendship into a deeper type of friendship that helps you become a better man.
Next Up: Deepening and Sharpening Each Other
[Feature Photo Created by ChatGPT]
